Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel (How The Morrigan Claimed Me Part IV)

I found myself scraping the bottom of the barrel this Spring. Soul-wise, energy-wise, inspiration-wise. While Spring is generally associated with new beginnings and growth, I felt the exact opposite. Everything around me seemed to being going wrong, everything felt off. I felt wrong. Despite the outward appearance of all being well, nothing was well, not at all.

The Morrigan is known to be a hard teacher at times. Her lessons, while powerful, can be painful. This Spring, The Morrigan was on me “like a duck on a june bug”. I had to pay attention. I felt as though Macha Herself had ridden me down and trampled me. Badb was screaming at me. Anu, I felt, was just frustrated with me. I had to get quiet. I needed to shut up, sit down and listen to Her.

I took time off from writing and teaching. I stopped attending public events. I spent more time alone. I talked to The Morrigan. I listened to The Morrigan. I read a lot. I gardened. I binged-watched some shows.

With The Morrigan’s help, I came to realize I had made several errors in my life and I was not going to get any relief until I acknowledged and corrected those errors. If you have ever attended one of my workshops, I always say, “You are in control! You are in the driver’s seat! You are master of your destiny!” Blah…blah…blah..was about how I felt about that crap this Spring. It was time to walk the talk. I had to get honest with myself.

A recurring issue in my life has been personal boundaries. Actually, the lack of proper personal boundaries is the real issue. And it had come back to haunt me once again. Why?! Again and again, this issue was wrecking havoc in my life. Again my reluctance to establish healthy personal boundaries was causing intense suffering in my life.

I needed to take a step outside myself and examine what was really going on with me. I talked to a therapist to get an outside opinion. I asked myself the hard question: “Why was I reluctant to establish proper personal boundaries in my life?”

The answer was in two parts.

First, I was reluctant to establish healthy personal boundaries because I feared rejection. I feared appearing unfriendly, unavailable, of not appearing present. By living in this fear, I was not making good decisions about who I allowed into my personal life. I ignored the little instinctual warning bells tinkling in my ears. I ignored the warning because Fear and Ego took over. And by Spring, I was paying the price. Fear can be a tricky thing, not obvious, Ego-driven, tough to spot sometimes. But here it was right here in my face, grinning. Fear.

The second reason why I lacked in the boundary department was my “savior complex.” I had maintained an unhealthy relationship with a certain individual for years because I felt I could eventually make that person “see the light” and change their fundamental beliefs. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. It was some of my own beliefs that were almost sacrificed as a result. Another blow to Ego. Another circumstance of it blowing up in my face again.

Spring turned to Summer and Summer is now turning to Fall. I am continuing my inner work. I am continuing to tackle difficult issues in my life. But by doing so, I have gained relief from the suffering I was experiencing. The Morrigan is pleased I am back on track. I have acknowledged I am a work in progress. I always will be. I wouldn’t want to be anything less. It is a part of why I write. By owning my stories, my imperfections, I free myself from them.

I have shared in the past of how The Morrigan claimed me. It’s the title of this little series I have been writing for this blog. In truth, The Morrigan did not just claim me one time. She has claimed me again and again. If I wander off the path She has set before me, She comes thundering back into my life, claiming me again. It is an ongoing process for me. And I am ever grateful to Her for it. The Morrigan likes to keep Her tools sharp. She sharpens me on a regular basis. I feel blessed She does so.

(c) Morrigan Odin – Originally published at The Morrigan’s Nest

Other writing by Morrigan Odin can be found at Patheos

Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash 

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Rise! From Victim to Victor

Rise! From Victim to Victor (HOW THE MORRIGAN CLAIMED ME PART II by Morrigan Odin)
I used to be a victim. A victim of domestic and other abuse. However, the worst abuse I have ever experienced was that I inflicted upon myself.  I relished being a victim. It bought me attention and the sympathy of others. I felt that  living in a constant state of drama and upheaval was the only way to garner attention. Whether that attention was positive or negative did not matter to me.

All of that changed once The Morrigan claimed me. She taught me I was in control of my own Destiny. She taught me to own myself, my actions and my mistakes. I then transformed from a victim to a victor. And then as a Walker on the Warrior Path, one whose life is lived in Her service, and the service of others.

She gave me the strength to first clean house in my life regarding negative attachments. By negative attachments, I mean to negative people and things. After an external housecleaning, so to speak, She guided me towards inner cleansing. I ceased negative self-talk. I stopped being my own worst enemy and became my own best ally. I learned to live life on my terms, and to stop trying to please others.

None of this happened overnight. Nothing worthwhile usually does. I still consider myself a work in progress. I am an eternal student of Life, of The Divine, of The Universe itself. I give thanks for that every day. That I possess the ability to change, to grow, to evolve. That gift has been granted to everyone, whether they are aware of it or not.

One of the most powerful influences The Morrigan has in my life is as an instrument of Change and Transformation. I once feared changed, feeling the hell I knew was to be preferred and defended over the unknown. The Morrigan has since taught me to revel in Change. She consistently strips away the unneeded and unnecessary from my life. This, inevitably, allows room in my life for the necessary, the needed.

So, I say to YOU, as The Morrigan has said to ME, “RISE!! Embrace Your Destiny! Cease being a Victim and become a Victor! Become a Warrior!!!”

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How the Morrigan Claimed Me

(Submission from Morrigan Odin)

Many and more have asked me to share my story about how and why I came to be a Priestess of The Morrigan. I believe now is the time to share that story.

For most of my young life I had been lost spiritually. I was raised Southern Baptist, but it never fit me. I began exploring other spiritual paths in my early teens, and was drawn to The Craft (witchcraft). I studied several traditions, but none seemed to call to me.

Now that I look back on things, I realize I was looking for self-empowerment. I was a victim of domestic abuse from the time I was a child. I sought out things to escape from that. Mostly drugs. I searched for a “savior” mostly men. It was all for naught. Nothing filled the “hole in my soul.”

I was in the midst of what Joseph Campbell refers to as a Shamanic “Crackup” as an adult. Western Psychiatry refers to this as “psychosis”. I had been committed to a psychiatric facility. I lay on the floor of the ward. I was angry, I was beyond defeated. I was desperate.

I screamed out to The Universe at large, “Whoever, Whatever is OUT THERE!! Take me, I am tired of this life, I hate this life. I feel lost. No one has come to save me. HELP ME!!”

And She did. I did not know Her name at the time. I only heard Her voice at first.

“Get UP! This is not the end for YOU! I have use for YOU! And YOU will save YOURSELF! GET UP!!”

And so, I got up. Up off the floor of the hospital. Up out of the self-pity. Up out of being a victim. Up out of abusing drugs. Up and away from unhealthy relationships.

At that time, The Morrigan was not as well known, as She is now. I did not know who this Goddess was, I did not know a name.  After hearing Her voice I began seeing an image. A woman, a Goddess, standing and screaming at me over and over. I sought out another Priestess, and was told the image I described sounded like The Morrigan. I began reading, researching, and meditating, praying all on The Morrigan. It was Her, my savior, or rather the One responsible for empowering me to save myself. I became Her Priestess and have been ever since.

That was many, many years ago. She has lead me down a Warrior Path. Together, We seek to bring balance to The Cosmos once again. If I could say anything about my savior, The Morrigan, it is that She has taught me, and continues to teach me every day, to be the best Me I can be.

 

About:  Morrigan Odin is High Priestess of The Morrigan’s Nest Coven Dedicated to The Morrigan and The Allfather (Odin, Woden), Warrior Path Ordained and Licensed in the state of Virginia. She has a Bachelor of Arts from Old Dominion University (1994) International Studies, Minor in Political Science. She is Herbalist, Poet, Writer. She blogs at: The Morrigan’s Nest and The Truth.

 

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