At the end of the fighting season

At the end of the fighting season…

The autumn is closing in rapidly around here, it is wet, getting colder and I get up for work and it’s still dark.  Samhain approaches and my Pagan friends are looking towards the turn of the year.  In the earlier times, that our modern paganism often looks back towards, this was the last gasp before the plunge into winter.  With the harvest almost gathered there was still time for the flurry of activity to prepare for the months ahead.  But what about warriors?  What would this time of year mean to them?  This is something I find myself reflecting on at this time of year.

Until fairly modern times, warfare was seasonal.  Because when winter came survival was a big enough task, fighting would tail off in time for the harvest to be got in.  If it didn’t there wasn’t much point to the fighting as you’d be starving by February.   In the aftermath of the Jacobite Rebellion in 1746 the harvest was not collected throughout the highlands and oats, wheat and barley spoiled in the fields.  The region had seen the passage of armies for over a year  who sustained themselves by foraging (which is a euphemism for stealing), so meat, ale and flour was in short supply. Shortages caused by the passage of armies through the highlands became famine.  Famine killed people regardless of their faith, politics or loyalties.

For the leaders this was a busy time and the longer view had to be considered.  What was the plan (or likely plan) for Spring? Could a peace be organised over Winter? Would it hold come the Spring or would fighting have to be resumed? How bad had things got? Would bitterness and honour drive winter raiding?  Who held the initiative?  All of this had to be sorted out before practical steps could be taken to stand the warriors down (or in more modern times to turn the army into winter quarters).  Many a late night council would be held and midnight oil burned, but this would have to fitted in around the mourning and recognition for the fallen, reports up the chain of command and the normal busy routines of society.

The first question would be how many warriors to retain under arms and how much manpower could be released to prepare for winter.  Where warriors were also farmers and some might be fighters you had ‘turned out’ (that is pressed into arms), they had probably already gone, the call of their land and harvest being too much.  It was possible to fight in a limited manner at this time of year, raiding and ambushing, so it was too early to let down your guard and stand all of your force down.  An aggressive war leader might work in a few raids and cattle drives to insulate against deprivation, but the risk had to be considered.  Losses would have to be made good and  the youth coming of age would be considered, who was in training, who had cut their teeth and needed recognising?  How many would need to start training now, not for next year but the year after?  Who would need to be invalided out? Egos soothed, pride allowed for, new jobs given to avoid feuding.  What about weaponry? What could be repaired or made new in house, what would require purchasing in?  Likewise armour and consumables like arrows, powder and shot.  Then there was the less sexy and glamourous things, boots, horse trappings, blankets, spoons.

A lord’s steward or seneschal might be keen to see the warband stood down, the cost for sustaining them physically and psychologically, transferred onto others.  Traditionally warriors (and soldiers in the modern era) were not billeted on a civilian population until the last possible time, as soon as this was done, problems started, which would occupy the leaders more and more until Spring.  So this was also the time of make work to keep the warriors out of trouble, patrols, hunting, guard duties, errands, exercise and training.

What can all this inform us as modern pagans who are drawn to warrior? It would be unrealistic to model our behaviour on this too closely.  In today’s modern times warfare and fighting does not cease with winter, modern armies train and fight in almost any conditions to horrific cost on civilian populations. Fascists still march (it is in fact the traditional fascist torch lit parade season through much of Europe).  In the west we are unused to seasonal shortages, cooperating and planning ahead to avoid famine.  I find I am drawn to make, to repair and audit my gear.  Make my domestic arrangements for winter (which increasingly here in the UK means lots and lots of rain).   I invariably think about training, the idea being to insulate myself against the worst effects of over-indulgence over the winter (definitely a first world problem).  I try to think about what skills I need to keep sharp and what new things I need to learn while I have the chance.  I take time to reacquaint with old comrades who might be involved with events in the year ahead.  Now I’m not immune to motivation crisis I feel the abuse I have subjected my body to over the years and I can afford to be complacent because I live in the UK in the 21st Century.  So reflecting on what this time of year meant for warriors in the past and what was at stake is a powerful motivator to get off my ass and be active.  For me this time of year is one of remembrance and there is an important social element.  I might get together with members of my old war band, where we share food and drink and reminisce.  To the outsider it may look like the telling of a lot of tall stories, but it’s difficult to talk to people about certain things, unless they already know the ground.  Within the tall tales, there is a lot of fear, tragedy and loss.  It is, I suppose a form of group therapy, an annual release.  A mechanism of regrouping and healing old wounds a little at a time.

My pagan practice then, forming a warrior cycle of the year, starts with a look back on the previous year and further back.  Reflecting and remembering events recent and ancient that exert their weight across any distance of time.  It also is a time for looking forwards, to orientate and plan for the future.  While being ready for action if your enemies (or life’s vicissitudes) attempt to surprise you now.  With events here in the ‘civilised’ west so tumultuous and scary I see people are battered by events.  Off balance and fearful of the future.  This now, at autumn, is the appropriate time to do as older generations of warriors and fighters would at the end of the war season and reorganise.  Look forward and plan for taking the initiative.  For the campaign ahead.  Think about who you want with you and tell them, make your appreciation and have some hope, because you survived another year to fight again and soon it will be spring.

(c) Rob Preece – October 2017

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So you want to do magic? by Sharon Preece

So you want to do magic right? Here are some things to try;

Make someone laugh so hard, that tears roll down their face and their sides hurt. Be there and listen when someone’s world falls apart, hold their hand, if they ask you to. Teach someone to do something that will make their walk in the world easier (without pay that makes it a job). Say something to someone that will make them stand a little taller, feel a little stronger.

See in the dawn and see out the dusk, in the same day. Witness the start of a life and the end of another. Share memories with someone you’ve never met before and someone who knows you well. Share food with friends, that you have made yourself and food with someone who would otherwise go hungry.

Make something with your hands, write something from your heart. Love someone so much, it hurts your heart a little, just thinking about it. Hate something so much, it burns to your very soul. Spend a day doing nothing but thinking about yourself. Spend a day doing nothing but good for others. Run with the crowd, shout and dance with them, but learn to stand alone. Be the voice of reason and the call to arms, a distraction and a motivation.

Sit so still that the birds brave your shadow, dance like the world is watching, until you can’t dance anymore. Sing like you are the only one who dares. Watch the moon wax and wane. Step outside to smell the seasons. Feel the frost bite your fingers, the sun warm you skin. Dance to the tune of thunder, in the summer rain. Listen to the mist turn your shouts to whispers. Soothe your soul, with the morning dew. Witness the turning of the world. Be the shade in the burning sunlight and the looked for light in the lonely darkness.

Don’t do magic. Be magic.

 

(c) Sharon Preece – 27th August 2017

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On Warriors by Rob Preece

On Warriors 1.

Plenty of words have been expanded by pagan authors on being a warrior. Showing courage, following your heart, being empowered. They almost entirely talk about being a warrior as a metaphysical thing, a state of mind. Listening to, channeling, developing your inner warrior. I will not knock this, I’ve talked to plenty who are empowered and have been better able to face the challenges in their life through this. Enough useful words have been written about this already.

However acknowledging the warrior aspect within and actually becoming a warrior are not the same thing. The rites of passage of taking up arms are almost lost to us here in the UK as we are lucky to enjoy the protection of a particularly fine military. Our political leaders long ago sought to channel our warriors into this military, so the way of the warrior has become almost the exclusive preserve of the professional servicemen and women.

Being a warrior however is one of the roles within our tribal past like cunning folk, midwives, shaman and healers (I’m aware these bled into one another). While there where warrior elites which over a thousand years or so have morphed into our “landed gentry” more elite than warrior. Most people needed to know how to defend themselves and their community, often against the warrior elite (it’s a toxic word elite). Also there was usually an obligation to the elite to provide warrior service, to bulk out the combat force.

Battle is a poor place for the untrained, so training in the traditional arms of the community was a rite of passage on the road to adulthood. It also informed a lot of our sports from boxing to football. One of my favourite things about the Morrigan is her favouring of the spear, the weapon of the common folk as opposed to the sword of the elite, even though in the legends she is more than capable amongst the elite.

Training almost definitely started very early, a life of hard physical labour requires a standard of fitness and the games of childhood started the process. Running, grappling, stone throwing then play combat with toy weaponry. At some point the time would arrive for training in earnest. The first rite of passage for the warrior is to formally embark upon their training. Other rites I’ll come to at a later point.

So what can we do? Actually it’s pretty simple but not that easy…..
Take control of what goes in to your body, mainly food and drink but also alcohol and drugs.
Get fit.
Learn first aid.
Take up a martial art.
That should start you off, more to follow.
Opinions, corrections, arguments invited.

Rob

Previously published on the original Call of the Morrigan blog in 2015

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Spiritual abuse is real

Spiritual abuse is real, it’s a real thing in pretty much every spiritual movement or religious community. Why? Because in these places there’s a real intersection of vulnerability and power. People are drawn to seeking when they need help, and those who are willing exploit that vulnerability for their own gain will, very sadly, do so.

One spiritual seeker to another, I’m putting this out there for anyone who needs to see this and hear this, the fruits and lessons of personal experience.

*Anyone can call themselves a priest, a healer, a shaman. Literally anyone. I know when you’re seeking, vulnerable, newly called the array of these folk can be dazzling. It’s so tempting to take up that offer healing, of sanctuary, of soul or power work when you’re feeling confused or vulnerable. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take your time and to be discerning. Kind of like a first date. Do your research. It may sound obvious, but if you can’t find a history for this person, or they have a history of lying, thieving, or exploitation, treat that as a big red flag. Glamour and power can over a lot, don’t fall for it. Hang round the edges for a while. Check in with your own gut and guidance. Trust yourself if you’re hearing a ‘no’.

*The capacity to move energy doesn’t make someone a healer. Unless this capacity is coupled with some serious integrity and grounded experience, what it makes that person is potentially seriously dangerous. Shamanism, tantra, any advanced energy practice can harm as deeply as they heal—the harm doesn’t even have to be intentional. Think toddler running through a crowd with a big knife. Got the picture?

*Be highly suspicious of people (men in particular) who want to access your power for their own gain. These people generally have few to no peers, but possibly some (or many) followers. They love people who support their visions of themselves and their power. They don’t take criticism or conflict well. The classic lines like “The Goddess told me we would work together” or “She told me I can heal you.” I know it sounds cheesy when I say it here, but too many fall for it! Maybe you do want to work with this person, but don’t let these kinds of lines be the only reason you do.

Finally, if you have fallen for it, don’t despair. Betrayal is a classic and common part of spiritual awakening. It can make you or break you. Don’t let it break you, friends.

Here a few places where you can find safe and reliable connection

Coru Cathubodua Priesthood

John Beckett

Morgan Daimler

Lora O’Brien

 

(c) Rebecca Wright – August 2017

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Practical Warrior in a Scary World

A practical warrior thing you can do in a scary world

The world seems a scary place, I’m not going to rehash all the scary stuff in the news recently, but you know what I’m talking about right? When it gets scary it is perhaps a normal reaction for pagans, especially followers of a war goddess such as the Morrigan to think about warrior stuff. Self defense, martial arts even hitting the shooting range. However a lot of people I speak to express frustration at where to begin what can be done immediately. Tragic and terrible events are difficult to comprehend and can leave you feeling powerless and responding to them is the job of the authorities. However there is a fairly simple thing you can do which I believe can help.

***Learn First Aid***

Learning first aid is a brilliant life affirming thing, often it’s possible to get a degree of training for free, paid for by charities or even your workplace. In the US it is possible to get EMT training via community colleges, in the UK you will have to make do with a St John’s Ambulance or Red Cross Course (or get creative in how you access this kind of training). Even getting a qualified first aider to show you the basics without any associated qualification is better than nothing. As a minimum you need to be able to deliver CPR to adults or infants, deal with choking, bleeding, broken bones, shock and burns. Being shown how to use an Automatic External Defibrillator (AED) and an Epipen takes minutes and could quite literally save a life. In an incident a little training goes a long way, add a basic first aid kit and the good you can do expands exponentially. When you are undergoing your training interact with your trainer and talk about worse case scenarios like multiple casualties and responding to the aftermath of violence. First Aiders love to relate the training to real life incidents and I find I learn as much from the conversations around training as the training itself. Also ask them about improvisations for when the incident exceeds the contents of the first aid kit supplied.

When there is an incident in which people are hurt, the immediate seconds and minutes while the authorities respond are vital. The more first aiders there are in the community the faster the response can be. People can be like antibodies rushing to the affected area. They react and try and help as well as they can but without training this can be to little avail and it is a sad fact that sometimes the people helping are just another problem for the authorities to deal with. Where there are multiple casualties, the first responders will often leave people who know what they are doing to get on with it or enlist their help in responding to the situation. Obviously as more responders arrive they will take over and this is right and proper.

Having first aid training will allow you to know what to do in the aftermath of an accident, or violent incident (if it is safe to do so). Instead of thinking “somebody should do something” you can be the person who can do the thing. Finally, first aid makes sense for the really minor stuff, it means you know what to do when someone (perhaps you) cuts themselves with that ceremonial knife or burns themselves on a candle.

 

From a original post made in the Call of the Morrigan Community by Rob Preece

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Having a spiritual practice when you feel you can’t

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in places that make it difficult to honour our spiritual practices.  Perhaps you have to live with family who are not comfortable with your beliefs, perhaps you want or need to keep it hidden from friends, neighbours or children for safety reasons. Perhaps you are away from home and away from your sacred spaces.  So what can you do to maintain your spiritual practices, to keep honouring your Gods and deepen your connection?

Probably the first thing to recognise is that your connection with your Gods and guides begins within you.  Whilst we may build altars and have devotional practices to help us maintain that connection, these things do not make the connection external from you.  Whilst They may appreciate your efforts in maintaining altars and shrines or in performing devotional rites, they are not specifically necessary (I will add the caveat that some people do have specific direction on this from their Gods but that isn’t the point of this article).

So what can you do when life gets in the way of your devotional practices?

Pray

Prayer can sometimes be seen as bit of a dirty word amongst pagans due to the overtones it has acquired from the Christian faiths.  However, our ancestors were talking to the Gods of their land and people long before Christianity came along.

You can pray anytime, anywhere and it doesn’t have to be out loud.  It’s a really good practice to designate a time and space for it in your life, daily if possible. But if you’re working long hours, commuting a lot or have a schedule that makes truly regular practice difficult, then fit it in when and where you can.

Pray while you’re on the train travelling to work or college, pray on your lunch break, pray in your garden or bedroom when you have five minutes in the evening.  Pray when you find yourself in a space where nothing else is going on, where you can turn your focus and intention to your Gods and speak with Them.

Don’t know what to say? There are lots of great prayers out there in books and on the internet. Learn something short off by heart and use it with intention. But otherwise, speak what is in your heart. Tell your Gods how you feel about Them, show them honour with words. Prayer can also be a conversation about something that you may need from Them (and what you will give in return) but fundamentally it is about honouring your Gods and showing your appreciation for their presence in your life.

Think of it as being like maintaining a friendship, the relationship you have with the friend you call every day or every week is stronger than the one you only call once a year or when you want something. Your Gods are going to appreciate a regular five minute call with you over you worrying about having the right candle to light.

Meditate

Some people might not think of meditation as a devotional practice as we tend to see it as a space of emptying the mind or focus on the breath and so on. But actually it can be a really strong devotional practice. It’s kind of like a deeper version of prayer. Above I have advocated for the quick, five minute, when you can approach. But if you can make space for a longer session, then you can go deeper in your connection with your Gods.

To continue the friendship analogy it would be like going to visit somebody in their home for tea every day or once a week.  When we sit down in devotional meditation, we are sitting down for a longer visit with our Gods.

It may be that you combine devotional meditation with prayer or other rites and practices, but at absolute core it is about sitting down and putting your focus on your God(s) for a period of time. To sit and be with Them, be in their presence. To feel Them with and around you. To be open to Them, to listen for Their words or directions.

This may not be an easy practice to begin with, but committing to a regular practice of devotional meditation is extremely valuable in building a deeper relationship with your Gods and guides.

Make Offerings

I have written about offerings before. I wrote about it from the perspective of what you can offer when you have nothing, but actually the principles apply for those people who for whatever reason cannot make obvious or overt offerings due to living restrictions or the discomfort of others.

But in short, offerings of prayer, of story or song, of time in voluntary service or the clearing up of the land or sacred sites are offerings that are well received by most Gods. All of these offerings are things which can be done when our living situation prevent us from making physical offerings or working with devotional spaces.

Be on the land

For me, being out on the land is a massive devotional practice for a number of the Gods and other entities that I work with. Putting your bare feet (if possible) on the land and feeling your connection to the life of this planet, to the connection with all things. To the connection with your ancestors who stood on this land before you. To the connection with all those who have honoured the Gods before you. To feel the Gods in the land.

It is also possible to combine all of the previous suggestions in this article with being on the land. Pray on the land, meditate on the land, sing on the land, clean up the land.  Being outside is free and allows us a powerful connection pathway to our Gods. Whether you sit at the bottom of your garden, go to your local park or take yourself out into the wild somewhere.

 

Deepening your connection with your Gods does not require objects and gifts and fancy rites, though they are appreciated, it is about strengthening the connection that begins inside you, about maintaining and honouring the relationship you desire to have with Them. Whether that’s a five minute call every day or a weekly trip to the local park to meditate.  Do what fits in your life as it is now, add to it or deepen it when life allows. But do the work, every day.

Awen Clement © June 2017

Awen is a priestess of The Morrigan who lives and works in the West Midlands of the UK. She is leading the 2017 Call of the Morrigan Retreat – The Queen’s Vigil in West Wales in September.

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What to offer when you feel you have nothing

I am sure many of us are familiar with times that are financially thin, times when we have to make difficult decisions about what to spend our money on. At such times we can feel the weight of needing to honour our Gods with offerings, feeling that we cannot afford to spend food or heating or medical bill money, but fearing Their displeasure if we don’t.

Perhaps first it is worth mentioning why we make offerings. We make offerings to our Gods as an honouring, as a sign of our love and respect for them. We may make offerings because of something we wish to receive in return. We make offerings to strengthen our connection to them and maintain their presence in our lives. I recently heard Morpheus Ravenna explain it really well. If we think of our relationship with our Gods as being like a friendship. If we forget to stay in touch with our friends, if we don’t manage to honour or maintain the friendship, the friend doesn’t disappear but the friendship will wither away.

Fortunately offerings don’t have to cost anything, there is much you can offer that is absolutely free and in some ways may be better received than bought objects.  The key thing with all of this is the intention with which it is done. That the offering is made with active focus and consecration in the name of the deity it is intended for.

Here are a few suggestions for you, and maybe they will spark some other ideas of your own.

Prayer

Prayer has become almost a dirty word for some pagans because of its association with Christian practice. But we spoke in quiet contemplation and focus on our Gods long before Christian priests had any say in it. Speak with your God(s), speak from your heart, honour them, show gratitude for Their presence in your life. Sometimes we pray because we need something, but it can also be a simple act of devotion.  If you’re not sure what to say there are prayers available online and in books that are perfectly acceptable to use with the right intention and attitude.  In time you may find your own words and voice to offer.

Story, Song and Music

Telling the tales and stories of our Gods is how we keep Them alive in the world, even if it’s only between us and Them. But if you can, tell others Their stories, tell them to friends and family, tell them to your children or if you can find the right opportunity tell them to your community.

Sing for your Gods, and never mind whether you think you have a singing voice. Song is prayer carried on voice and breath.  Simple chants are just as effective as songs of many verses and no it doesn’t matter whether you learn the words by rote, use a book and sing with intention and heart.

Make music, if you play an instrument play it for Them, compose for Them. Or if you have a drum, drum for Them, the beat of the drum carries to the otherworld.

Song and story connect us with our ancestors who would have done the same, sharing with their families, tribes and communities. In this way we strengthen the ancestral lines behind us and before us.

Acts of service

There are so many of these it could become a long list but I will mention two really strong ones that in my experience the Gods really appreciate. Volunteering in your community and the clearing of sacred or natural places.

Can you spare a little time in your week to those in need? Whether it is for an elderly neighbour in your community, a young mother struggling with her children or time given to a charity in an area that matters to you. This time, these acts are a way to show that your tribe, your community matter and as such that you honour the God(s) that watch over you and them. Think about what your particular Gods represent and align your act with that.

It is an ongoing and maddening thing for many pagans to find natural or sacred sites covered in rubbish, the saddest thing is that sometimes it is pagans who add to it! None of us should be leaving rubbish on the land, and if we come across it clearing it away is a strong act of honouring, a way of showing that our lands matter. I encourage you to carry a bag with you wherever you go so that you can do this. Also think before you leave an item at a sacred site. It is better to leave a non-physical offering at a sacred site than an item that can cause damage. Even items that can biodegrade are not necessarily ok, things won’t biodegrade in sites such as caves and items tied to trees and plants can choke them and stunt their ability to grow.

Study and Learning

Dedicate some learning or study to your Gods. It might literally be the study of Them and Their stories, getting to know as much you can of Them. Or it might be your college or university studies, or training for your job.  Dedicate the growth of your knowledge to Them, your efforts to be able to do more for yourself and your community.

Physical Training

This may not be right or appropriate for everyone but many Gods welcome fit and strong devotees. Make an offering of your physical training, your exercise regimes, take up a fighting art in Their name.  Make your body your offering to them.

There are of course many ways of making offerings to our Gods and different things will be appropriate at different times in our lives and our spiritual practices. These are just a few ideas that may help you when you feel you have nothing to give.  Give only what you can manage, do not harm yourself to make an offering. Better to make a promise of an offering in the future and sing Them a song for now.

Awen Clement – May 2017

*Some of the thoughts in this article have arisen from taking the class ‘Polytheist Devotional Practice’ with Morpheus Ravenna of the Coru Cathubodua, with thanks to her for her teaching.*

Awen is a priestess of The Morrigan who lives and works in the West Midlands of the UK. She is leading the 2017 Call of the Morrigan Retreat – The Queen’s Vigil in West Wales in September.

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Honouring the Blood: Call of the Morrigan by Awen Clement

As dusk fell we closed the gates to the ordinary world, allowed the land to envelop and cradle us. Quietly we came, healers and priests, craftsmen and warriors, gathering in Her name. Raven Queen, Battle Crow, Morrigan.

We cast a circle of light and dark, of flame and blood and weaving.  We asked the land to hold us, we asked the ancestors to stand with us, to guide us and guard us. We called our Queen in rich voices of fire and honour.


We cleansed away the old versions of ourselves, prepared to step into new skins, new shapes of our souls.  One by one, turn by turn we submitted to the needle. Gave our blood and received her mark. Gave shape to our prayers, made promises in ink. Witnessed by our brothers and sisters, nurtured by the hearth fire.

We wove together a pattern of story and song, of prayer and devotion as the land and the ancestors looked on. Brave voice of the young spoke in honour and faith. Men cried tears of truth. Women wove prayer and flame in devotion. Some sang in voices not their own and the drum echoed the heartbeat of the world.


And the Great Queen heard us call. She came to us. Accepted our offerings of blood and flesh and honouring. Some trembled, some wept, but all held steadfast in the truth of her sight. Her voice like the gentle roar of the river, we were held out of time. She gave voice of both warning and blessing.We gave thanks, we feasted and then one by one and two by two we slipped away, across land and sea. Returning home, forever changed, ready to face what is to come.And so it was done. The ashes went cold and the land fell quiet.

 ****

This writing is a reflection of my experience at Honouring the Blood: Call of the Morrigan Retreat 2016.Awen Clement – 2016 (c) This piece was originally posted at www.wildmagpiewoman.blogspot.co.uk

Awen is the Wild Magpie Priestess who serves The Morrigan and Brigid. She leads circles and workshops in the West Midlands (UK).
www.wildmagpie.co.uk
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This is my pain by Izzy Swanson

This is my pain

I long to grow. I feel the pull to something larger, something more than me. Something in me knows I will heal from this. My heart’s desire waits for me on the other side.

Deep down in the darkness inside of me I feel the shadow around my soul. It pulls at me from deep within my womb. I find in the darkness a frightened little girl. She holds me tight. She begs me not to leave the shadows.” What are you afraid of? Who made you feel this way?” I can hear the years of words spoken to me of my soul’s damnation and she says to me, “If I leave this darkness people might see me. They will see my pain. I will be unclean. It will hurt them. It will scare them. I will be weak. I can’t let people see me. I can’t be weak.” “What are you really afraid of?” “That I will fail, that I don’t belong here. I am a fraud. If they see me I will lose all that I love.” She falls into my arms weeping.

The memories of hidden pain resurface. I hold her. I love her. I make her promises. I cannot go until we are whole until she trusts me enough to protect her, until she is safe. This, this is darkness. This is trauma. This is pain. We hide inside of it. We run to it. It saves us. How could we ever believe that it isn’t all our fault? How can we ever believe that the world outside will accept us when we watch our world pretend that people like us don’t exist? When we watch our world remind us that we deserved it? How will we ever feel safe enough to climb out if we can’t believe that we will be loved, that someone will see our pain and say I will not run?

Izzy Swanson – 2016 (c)

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The Promise of Death by Izzy Swanson

I want you to tell people about how they will die, how their soul will die, how they will break and how it will be the most beautiful thing that has ever happened. From the broken pieces they will put together a being that knows who they are, that no longer owes anyone an apology, and no longer has to explain themselves to anyone in order to receive worthiness.

You no longer have to try so hard to get people to love you because you will love yourself so much it will no longer matter. You will be ok with the words you speak. You will know that the words you share bring authenticity and wisdom and that they have value even when you think no one is listening. Someone is listening. The world is listening. It is watching. We are dying. We are falling down into so much pain and fear and anger that we are desperate for change. We, the world, is watching you. We need to see you bare your soul. We need to see you be a metal head or a quilter or a dog walker. We need to see the joy you derive from living. We need to see you break and we need to watch you put yourself back together because we need to know it won’t kill us. We need to see the beauty of your change. We need to know that we won’t be alone when our time comes and we need to see that no matter what we are all the powerful beings that we keep wishing we were inside. You know the one, that little girl or boy who always wanted to be a super hero. That’s you. And no one can tell you anymore that it’s not because you fought your way through all the fear and self-doubt brought on you by all the things society taught you to believe about how someone else deserved more than you or the pain you endured at the hands of your loved ones. You survived and not only did you survive you thrived and you learned all the little things about you that make you uniquely you.

This this is why I am here. I am not here to write your pretty stories about how to meditate. I am here to find the broken pieces of your soul and bring them back to you. I am here to watch you tell yourself “I am worthy.” I am here to watch you embrace the lost child and integrate her innocence back into your soul. I am here to guide you when the time comes for you to fall apart. I am here to take through the little death, the dying of your soul, and bring you back out into the light. So when I come to you with wisdom, I can’t come in little bits and pieces. I need to tell you to rip your heart out and put a new one in. I need to tell you it’s ok to die and I need you to know that when you are reborn you will be a beautiful butterfly. I promise you. I promise you, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Izzy Swanson – 2016 (c)

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